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Confidence
Paper, card, thread. Words by Rupert Mallin; structure by Jayne Knowles.
Confidence 3
IT STOLE HER BREATH AWAY
STOLE HER WORDS AWAY
STOLE HER LETTERS
OPENED HER MOUTH
FILLED HER PEN
HIT HER KEYS
SHE FOLLOWED THE PEN WITH HER EYES
FOLLOWED THE WORDS IN HER MIND
BUT HER WORDS WERE NOT IN HER BOOK, HER NOTEBOOK OR ON
SCREEN
SHE COULDN'T HEAR THEM
COULDN'T MOUTH THEM
COULDN'T SCREAM
BUT IT WAS HER MOUTH
HER NAME IN THE PAPERS
SHE HEARD THEM TALKING ABOUT HER
THEY QUOTED HER DEMISE
SPOKE HER WORDS
SHAPED HER MOUTH
WHAT HAD THEY DONE TO HER MOUTH?
THE SCREEN WAS A SCREAM
HER EMPTINESS ON SCREEN
SHE FELT BLOOD RUN FROM HER IDEAS
FELT INK SQUEEZED FROM BETWEEN HER FINGERS
SHE WROTE INVISIBLY
SHE WROTE WITHOUT EFFECT
& THEY LOVED & ADMIRED HER
& SHE FILLED HER IDEAS WITH HER EMPTINESS
& SHE WAS SO, SO CONFIDENT
Rupert Mallin
Confidence 2
SHE WAS SO–SO
SHE WAS WORSE THAN SO–SO
BUT SAID SHE WAS SO–SO
SHE WAS SO SORE, SO LOW, SO
SHE TOOK TO WRITING ABOUT DRUGS
WRITING ABOUT SMOKING
WRITING ABOUT ALCOHOL &
WROTE HERSELF REPEAT PRESCRIPTIONS & LINES &
METAPHORICALLY HUNG HERSELF TO A WASHING–LINE
AS IF HER SKIN WAS HER WASHING &
HID HERSELF BENEATH HER DRIPPING SKIN
ON AN ENDLESS LINE &
WANTED AN END, SO
SHE CUT OUT BEGINNINGS &
COLLECTED UP THE ENDINGS
WHICH IMMEDIATELY UNRAVELLED &
FOUND THEIR WAY INTO OTHERS' STORIES, SO
SHE SLUMPED DEEPER INTO THE BASEMENT OF HER WRITING:
SHE WANTS WINGS BUT FINDS HERSELF A SYRINGE,
SHE WANTS A CIGARETTE HOLDER NOT THE ASHTRAY OF IFS &
BUTS,
SHE WANTS A COCKTAIL NOT AN EMPTY BOTTLE,
SHE WANTS THAT CONFIDENCE, SO, SO MUCH,
SO...
Rupert Mallin
Confidence
she was
as confident as
the path is
as the road signs are
as her star sign is
as water is
as a sheet of paper is
as newsprint is &
confidence stole her away &
ate into her pathway &
bypassed June &
froze her footsteps &
turned her map into wires &
took her words from the paper
but all the words she learnt told her to hang on
so she
H
U
N
G
O
N
&
she was as
confident as
the path is
as the road signs are
as her star sign is
as water is
as a sheet of paper is
as newsprint is &
confidence stole her away &
ate into her pathway &
bypassed June &
froze her footsteps &
turned her map into wires &
took her words from the paper
but all the words she learnt told her to hang on
so she
H
U
N
G
Rupert Mallin